What is "The Apath" about?
On my speculative fiction short story published in After Dinner Conversation
Hey there! My name is A.J. Parker. I’m a poet and a young adult fiction writer. You can find me on Instagram, Bluesky, and X, and of course, here on Substack. Thanks for reading :)
Oh. Long time no see. Hmm, what’s happened since October?
Four of my poems were published in Issue 14 of Wishbone Words and five poems in Issue 7 of PULP Lit Mag. Skirting Around published my poem “Hindsight Bias,” and I have an upcoming poem in Talk Vomit.
But most notably, my short story “The Apath” was published in After Dinner Conversation.
Around February 2020, I wrote the following entry for a creative writing class, which formed the foundation of this speculative fiction short story:
I paid a dollar for a vial of love off a woman on seventh street. I just wanted a taste, and I know that I can’t afford the real stuff. It had a bittery tang, almost like anger, but with a sweeter aftertaste. I need to stop wasting my money on the cheap stuff. The last time I took happiness, my left eye didn’t stop twitching for days. Part of me thinks it was laced with something more excitement related. This dose of love lasted me a good 15 minutes but it was all I needed to feel crazy. They really weren’t kidding when they said it was potent. I won’t try that again for awhile. Maybe a tab of sadness would take the edge off, a shot of calm, a nibble of boredom. Everything tastes like chalk after love, even the cheap stuff.
The final version looks something like this:
Finn paid a pound for a vial of Love off a woman on Seventh Street…He couldn’t afford the real stuff—never could and never would…It was bitter at first, almost like Anger, but it had a sweet aftertaste. He hoped it wasn’t laced with anything. He’d heard of Love-Exhilaration trips gone wrong, and that wasn’t to mention the Happiness-Fear combo that killed a couple kids a year ago…The dose lasted him fifteen minutes, and it was mostly warmth and heart palpitations. He liked the Calm droplets better. Love’s jittery feeling unnerved him…When he got home, he had a nibble of Boredom to level himself out. The problem, though, was that everything tasted like chalk after Love, even the cheap stuff.
Four years passed between the 700-word entry and the 4,000-word short story. This story remained steadily under my skin through the rest of college, nagging to be written. I put off finishing it for three years, though I felt like I was onto something with it. And I did, because some of the lines in this story are my favorite lines I’ve ever written.
I sent 14 queries in total over an eight-month span, received 11 rejections, conducted one major revision, received two acceptances, and withdrew one submission. Looking back on this journey has reminded me to lean into the core of artistic expression – authenticity.
Writing has felt very formulaic lately. I’m not a mathematical person, but I would say my logos tends to win out over my ethos when it comes to rules. That means when someone says “Don’t do this in your writing,” I stop doing it. But I think that’s been the wrong way to look at it.
Everyone says it, but it didn’t hit me until now that yes, some of the best writing happens when you break the rules. When you stop thinking about what other people think. This is what I was getting at with my piece on self-rejecting self-rejecting.
Easier said than done. But that’s been my roadblock, why I’ve hit a wall in my young adult novel. I’ve gotten so particular with “do this” and “do that” that I’ve forgotten to do what I want to do. I’m taking another look at my manuscript now and adding back my personal flare.
That’s what means so much to me about “The Apath.” It’s 100% fully me. When I first wrote it, it was because my professor had asked us to write whatever came to mind. Not write what I thought other people wanted me to write. Not write what I thought other people wanted to read. Just write.
What resulted was a story about the commodification of emotions, the pain of feeling, and how we can share deep connections with people radically different than us.
I know no one likes a paywall, but I’d love if you’d consider purchasing a copy, either here or Amazon. Thanks friends :)
Where you’ll be able to find me:
Talk Vomit - “Why do you get to be a kid?” Spring 2025
My latest on social media:
My last newsletter:
Self-rejecting self-rejecting
I realized something over the past couple weeks. I am tired. Burnt out. I don’t have energy. I didn’t realize how poorly I was feeling until I received an email to one of my short story submissions that said something along the lines of “This is wonderful, we’re putting it on our publication schedule immediately.”