What if your inner child could speak to you?
"Sometimes wanting things is easy but getting them isn’t."
Hey there! My name is A.J. Parker. I’m a poet and young adult fiction writer. You can find me on Instagram, Bluesky, X, and of course, here on Substack. Thanks for reading :)
Did you ever see that meme that goes something like, “I don’t want to heal my inner child, I want to give her a sword?”
Yeah, that sounds about right.
My speculative fiction short story, “Pony,” was published in Authortunities’s June 2026 issue of Space & Time Magazine. In it, I ask the question, “What would life look like if our inner children literally followed us around?”
The idea came to me after therapy and some “inner child work”–attempting to speak to this younger version of yourself and heal (or at least, find) something there.
And if I could speak to my inner child, would she listen to what I told her? The answer: most likely, probably, no.
It’s based on a real story, too. After a swim meet when I was a child, I cried to my mom, begging her for a pony, but there was a miscommunication–she thought I’d wanted a pony-tail holder that they had on display (these fun, rainbow spiral-curl ones that were popular in the late 2000s) when I really wanted a stuffed pony.
Needless to say, I was very unpleasant about it.
That formed the premise for my short story, excerpted above.
I liked exploring this idea that children don’t understand responsibility. So, you want a real pony as a Christmas present or birthday gift. What happens then? Ever heard of “be careful what you wish for?” As children, too, we lack understanding of what it takes to get something. Because nothing is freely given, and even those things we work really hard for can be taken away.
Children are curious creatures. They haven’t yet chastised been forced into conformity.
To be completely honest with you, my inner child is constantly screaming right now. Throwing a tantrum. Why has she not been able to get what she wants? What is so hard about getting a pony?
But more significantly, my inner child is hurting and my outer adult is not allowed to show it.
It’s not socially acceptable to show your negative emotions as an adult. Only in youthfulness are we allowed to be our authentic selves. Even if that authentic self is whiny and self-centered.
I have been job searching for ten months now while dealing with the aftereffects of surviving cancer–chronic health issues, the aforementioned unemployment, survivors’ guilt, mental health struggles, overall crippling self-doubt. I’ve been derided in job interviews–even so far as to have my integrity questioned–and punished for the gap in my resume that happened because I GOT CANCER!!! I did three job interviews last week, five the week before, and have at least two this week, both in-person. At this point, I’m about to default on my student loans, despite doing everything in my power to find employment.
I continue to diligently plug away at my writing, but even that has started to feel fruitless. My work doesn’t feel like it’s reaching anyone, and I’m pretty sure Instagram suppresses my content from even my own followers (probably for being a business account, since they want me to pay for ads). I write because I love it, of course, but it’s still hard to feel like no one is seeing my stuff even when I try to put it out there.
I’m desperately wishing for a pony right now. I’m asking myself, “What did I do to not deserve a pony? Why am I being punished for doing everything in my power to get a pony? Why does no one trust that I can take care of a pony? Can people even get ponies right now?”
Life feels so unfair, and rightfully so. I keep getting hit while I’m down. I feel like I try to pour kindness and support out into the world, and I’m not receiving it back. 1I continue to do everything in my power to get back up, but it is so, so difficult. And the worst part is, I’m not allowed to cry and scream and whine, no matter how much I want to break down in the grocery store.
Like I write in my short story, sometimes wanting things is easy but getting them is not. All I can do is wonder if I’m pursuing the right things, because heavens know, I’m doing everything in my power to get them.
So to anyone listening, I want you to know I’m ready for a pony.
A real pony, not a stuffed one.
You can read my short story “Pony” now in Space & Time Magazine.
Where you can find me:
Space & Time Magazine – “Pony”
Follow me on Instagram!
My latest on social media:
My last newsletter:
Looking for more? My website is here.
Again, I don’t meant to sound like a whiner. I have lots of things to be thankful for in life & I am grateful for those things. I just need to be a little whiny right now